12th May, 2005

currently in orillia, canada. using public library free internet access

well the days have been rather peaceful so far ever since hitting brechin with norman and alice on monday afternoon (during which normypoo tested my "infinite" patience by mistaking our "exit on 404North" instructions for taking the 404 Exit instead. but anyhow... my navigational skills aren't that great either, which accounted for us getting jammed on the 401 last night. whatever.

been going down to toronto for the past two days... went to eaton centre and the C.N. Tower which reminded me of the time that mom dad daniel joshy and i went just about 4 years back. things haven't changed much, just that i'm a lot more careful with how i'm spending my money. almost got some overly-expensive bath soap at sephora yesterday but on account of the fact that my wallet was in joe's bag and he was off shoe-shopping dunnowhere/loo-visiting and that i didn't have my handphone with me either, i didn't spend in the end! talk about rare. been eating chinese food non-stop ever since i left penn state on wednesday, too. i don't miss local food anymore.. been stuffed to the gills with good dimsum over and over again already.

yesterday morning normy alice joe and i went paddling on the lake... the resort is just off brechin along lagoon city, canada and the scenery just outside the room is really nice.. in the morning people drive their cars way up just next to the bank and start fishing. i could get used to this kinda lifestyle, only that i need to lose the waist flab so maybe i should just start paddling everyday - well, until we need to leave this saturday, that is.

okay. i'm running out of things to say basically because i'm slacking off. this is gonna be a good relaxing holiday and i'm doing nothing but reading books i borrowed from the university of iowa library before we left. carl hiaasen rocks.

  posted by juice.susceptible @ 11:31 PM

 
6th May, 2005

and when it matters, things work out. they really do.

i'm in joe's apartment (heh, sounds like that movie with the huge cockroaches huh) typing on his computer... it's been a whirlywind of two days of non-stop travel. well, kinda. i feel like i've concentrated so many experiences within the past two weeks that i hardly know where to start to update my beautiful public (yeah that means you *points at reader*).. been to new york city twice in 2 weeks, been to lake erie over the previous weekend and stayed at bohdan's place.

we start from yesterday, the hard goodbyes and the reason why my eyes still hurt.

i did cards for the people who mattered, though it took so much time and i really didn't have it, as a result of which poor darling angie my roommate (best roommate in the world - see, i didn't forget to mention your name!) has so many errands to do for me.. and normypoo as well.. he's gotta pay mil and sharon back for the twennies they lent me when i forgot to visit the atm. he's picking up extra novels for me to read while i travel... i'm halfway through arundhati roy's book already. okay, so see, on tuesday night i'm trying to pack.. 2am already and jiwonyboo and yeemeybaby come in to say bye.. they hand me jessybaby's little book of wisdom. i read it, start laughing like mad, collapse and burst out crying. i never knew myself capable of such trauma when it's not as if everyone around me's gone forever, never knew myself so sappy and full of tears. you'd think i'd be wrung out like a dishtowel after a day of crying but nooo... the body finds water in crevices of the heart. i keep the neon book inside my wallet... i know if i look at it again i'll cry buckets, so i don't. i do my laundry, and pack everything slowly but methodically, while angie gives up on staying awake with me and i pack till the dawn lightens but my head tells me i can take it no more.. and that i ought to sleep in my comfortable bed one more last time before it's time to go, take off the sheets and leave the bedpad on, take away the color that occupied my life for 4 whole months.

so i sleep from 730am to 10am.. berating myself for all the sleep i've gotten while i ought to have done other things. i visit the mail room and send a package to my darling yannypokes in redondo beach (sorry yins i didn't have the time to write a letter to go with it i shall do it soon... i was really busy and tag me when you receive the books)... send a package back home as well. too many things has this person with the gold bars. i weighed the suitcase in flushing, ny today and it was 94 pounds (hey mil it really IS heavier than sharon!)... so i brought only a small suitcase with me to iowa city.

took lunch with my closest buds in school... i'm so sorry i didn't have enough time to take one more last photograph with you guys.. but i really couldn't even eat the food stuck in my throat and everytime i looked at each one of you i couldn't swallow anything solid. right now i imagine each one of you looking back upon empty barren rooms, thinking about the good times we had, such good times they were! the memories will last forever, fresh photographs always, never fading in this mental scrapbook of mine. during the greyhound bus trip up (during which i passed by tussey mountain ski slopes all brown-colored and everything... *wistful sigh of remembrance of snowboarding days long past) from penn state to new york city, and during the two flights from la guardia to chicago o'hare and then on to cedar rapids, iowa, i played my mp3 songs over and over again. they remind me of spring break, bouncing in the car to the familiar tunes, they remind me of studying in washington lounge and in the 3rd floor mcelwain lounge with tons of food and warm hugs and love suspended like so many dust motes in the sunlight - cosy atmosphere. there's edwin mccain's i'll be (remember to keep that karaoke dvd norman), there's leann rimes please remember (which i sang as a voicemail to jessybaby and i wanted to post lyrics here but she beat me to it on her blog so go there to see how the song goes), there's the freshmen by the verve pipe and there's paula cole's i don't want to wait amongst other songs. the greyhound mix. the tears-inducing audio poison.

and once again i was high enough to see the cloudshadows.
like so many inkblots spreadstains across the tiny container trucks that looked like sticks of chewing gum stacked neatly in rows

got gail's and kim's letters in the mail just before i ran from pollock commons to my room to pack the final things.... fantastic timing gals. i shall write you two when i go on my summer travels... well actually i'm on my summer travels already, i'll write you in the week to come. anyway. i got picked up in a mercedes clk 500 (or was it 300?) and this wonderful wonderful couple aunty jasmin introduced me to in ny let me stay in their cosy basement for a night.. even brought me to dimsum this morning before my flight which i "tapao-ed" back to iowa. university of iowa is pretty nice, but quiet. the campus isn't as pretty as penn state, but the downtown nightlife is rockin'. went to play pool for awhile and there were so many groups of people dressed in matching tshirts going bar-crawling... totally nuts i tell ya. finals week is next week for them and they're busy getting drunk. some getting drunk while upside down. weird.

eyes are feeling sore. i'm going to get some rest. if you guys ever want to contact me, i'm accessible through my singaporean number or through my friend's number (from now till 30 may only! hahaa) at 319-3311-266. okay. i'm feeling kinda bad about how my luggage is spread out across the country.. about angie toting stuff back to pittsburgh.. normypoo carrying a novel and my vitamins from pennstate to toronto.. my hugeass mint antler in nyc. like at home where i couldn't stop the plague of hannahstuff from spreading from room to room... now i've infected US of A with my rubbish! haha.

  posted by juice.susceptible @ 11:29 PM

 
22nd April, 2005

currently in the new york public library using free internet access

yesterday was a harrowing experience courtesy of greyhound
got stuck in the middle of nowheresville literally. allentown
and the bus brokedown, overheated or something and the replacement
from philly took about 4 bloody hours to reach us
as a result of which I arrived in NYC at 1.30 am when I was supposed to reach by 8.45pm.

was I tired while waiting? I guess so... yet another story to tell the grandkids, if I ever have any that is.
made new friends and penpals and such.. this 67-year old man is compelled to create a gmail account because of me and the bus driver was reminiscing about his saigon days and his thailand experience during the vietnam war
and there were these two half brothers... one man was chinese and one looked hispanic and they shared the same father... we got to talking about politics and they were seriously anti-bush
there was this 32-year old californian limo driver who was extremely friendly but this other gal from state college was so apprehensive of me talking to everyone so freely she got all motherly on me
we watched SATC on my laptop... thank goodness for that sort of mindless entertainment during the long hours of waiting in a deserted parking lot

so yeah. i'm wandering aimlessly about the streets of new york city searching for a good photo essay... and i'm scared to approach people to ask them if i can tag along for the day and see their lives and tell their stories. seriously though, why am i so frightened?

there was this beautiful spring market fair inside grand central station and mom called while i was browsing through the handcrafted items and i wished she was there because, well, only moms can appreciate these things the best.

  posted by juice.susceptible @ 11:27 PM

 
14th April, 2005

life in short spurts of snapshot sentences: not in chronological order

playing frisbee in the pollock fields with people of different nationalities
eating pizza and drinking sangria as the sun sets on a black and white war movie
falling asleep in schwab with half a headset on and my head upon jon stewart's america the book
while someone lectures upon globalization
climbing to the rooftops to adjust the shades on the ceiling lamps
cotton candy insulation fluff sticking out everywhere in the moth eaten walls
immense irritation felt while watching sankofa and the history of black slavery
sin city: neon glow graphic portrayal done quentin tarantino style - booya! i see this one running the gamut for film analysis in the years to come
lying on my yellow blanket in the sun and listening to my laptop's tunes with friends
cutting my own hair (and what a chunk we cut!) with belinda and anya in my dorm toilet
getting told i look like "a rock chick" "a japanese girl" "something out of the flintstones" and "yebuda" (oh thanks dearie jiwony) in succession, thus leading to confusion as to what i look like exactly
thinking that this may mean the end of ever paying for a haircut
imbibing copious amounts of earl grey tea and honey water to avoid the onslaught of another sore throat
getting locked out by angie and being made out to be a poor thing "who has nothing, basically" on angie's answering machine
feeling weird with nothing in my pockets and strolling to the hub for a film project meeting in the cold wind, tshirt shorts slippers and all
climbing a tree beside the library for a photoshoot and getting scratched on the forearms
immense awkwardness as i keep on imagining how fugly i look and how i'm undeserving of being the subject of anyone's photography presentation
not being able to bleach my white shorts free of the strange yellow dotted stains that look like i spilled laksa on it (but how the heck, this place has no laksa)
jessybaby's angelic women's chorale concert in pasquerilla with the white and pink blossomed tree just outside
walking to carnegie at half past midnight alone in the knife that cut cold wind
beeyan's place making me feel wistful for something like that of my own where mom could run free with her imagination and design the interior whichever way she likes
playing taboo out in the open grass, saving a leaf for memory's sake
shannon allowing me to carry her everywhere, her hands full with a musical horse
working in eisenhower with my fingers full of splinters, operating the orchestra pit lift
learning that i should say "ahora, estoy despierta!" in spanish class to show i'm awake
watching little black book on my laptop and getting morbidly thoughtful
not believing in happy endings
director of life's photography - me! manual camera taking makeshift soccer team
getting primary-school-like grades
tilting my head in yihpin's car to look at the black expanse of sky diamond-studded
feeling insignificant yet very much alive
every second estoy despierta.





  posted by juice.susceptible @ 11:26 PM

 
8th April, 2005

the most bizarre situation of the night

a singaporean girl sits alone in the lightroom, wearing an old-fashioned pilot-like headset leaning against a metal cupboard trying to focus but still falling asleep on jon stewart's america 'the book' while pretending to be focused upon the lighting situation on some guy's talk about globalization, talking about friends' phoebe's "smelly cat" to george surya and marty on the phone

i got a free dinner today! put papa john's on the tab

i've climbed up to the light loft where the insulation padding sticks out in cotton candy colors in tufts, adjusted the panels to fit the spotlights onto the stage. remember thinking "man, this'd be one of the wackiest make-out spots in school, especially when there's the actual danger of plunging several feet down into the empty audience seats below"

and now, tonight i shall NOT sleep. i'll do my work till daybreak and sleep after class

  posted by juice.susceptible @ 11:24 PM

 
2nd April, 2005

i'll be the greatest fan of your life

today was great. edged with bittersweetness. knowing that with each weekend that comes and goes so quickly, is one more weekend lost, one more weekend closer to our departure and saying goodbye to the people we've lived with, breathed the same air and experienced the same joys and sorrows with. you find yourself wishing so hard that you could somehow freeze time in an instant. it's funny how the more i want to preserve a memory, that's when i leave my camera behind. i'm going to rely on my eyes and ears to take mental snapshots of you and you and you. from the way mildred crosses her eyes and sticks out her tongue and sets me off giggling nonstop till my stomach hurts so bad to the way faizal let me tickle him for 5 long seconds straight during dinner today to the way jessybaby and i just act all immature with one another and play a breathless game of chase all the way to pollock commons.

i forsook work when i finished my book essay at 3am in the morning and had a long chat with mildred on the phone for 45 minutes in the darkened washington lounge, my private large space, my discovery, somewhere i can breathe on my floor without disturbing others. then there was sleep, and then there was class accompanied by a garlic bagel courtesy of nice russell frank my professor. i didn't do my questions on zucchino though, and there was a sort of liberation in that i didn't complete all my work FOR ONCE. why am i slogging so damn hard? i've been handing in every single assignment on time and done it till i've lost so much beauty sleep. one tiny piece of misplaced paper won't hurt, i'm sure.

had a heavenly vanilla malt milkshake at baby's with floriaan, caught up with stuff and learnt about his 3 sisters and his pet cat that will miss him so much while he's here and away with us. he talked about how much he's going to miss faizal and how he's never gonna have another roommate like him. i wonder how we're going to say goodbye to our own roommates, hanwei and i. ag burst out with an "i'm going to miss you so much when you leave" when i came into the room yesterday, and angie declared "you're not ever gonna leave you're going to live here forever.". what do we say to these things? i'd sing the ernie song i love so much from sesame street.

boy i'd like to visit the moon, but i don't think i'd want to live there

and this is my moon, the place i'd never thought possible in my lifetime. the people are perfect and the days are so fine (despite the weather playing it's wonderful tricks on us - supposedly later today it's going to be a mix of rain and snow... SNOW???! it's april! a late april fools' day joke.) i'm going to try and cling on to every droplet of us, every sensation, every thought and heartbeat and hug.

back to today. we played a mix of frisbee, soccer and volleyball in the pollock fields. the sand from the volleyball pit felt like gritty snow and soon our feet turned pale white due to the numbing cold but we didn't care, we were having so much fun. maj and susanne's power serves helped our team (norman sharon me and the two danish gals) win. funny how sporty everyone's being, how much time i'm actually spending outdoors. in singapore, it'd never (well, rarely) happen, because of the mucky humidity. here, we unanimously agree that the natural airconditioning uplifts the spirit and just makes you wanna dance and play and hop and skip and kick. i think i'm gonna invest in a pair of rollerblades - i don't care how many times i'll fall already, in this semester alone i've probably fallen about a thousand times snowboarding and such.

we played pool in the hub and i think i'm getting slightly better at it. i'm determined to be really good before i come back home, no more embarrassment for me! we then headed to the board games where i taught the guys how to play risk 2210 a.d. .. admittedly i wasn't a very good teacher but still they managed to quite thrash me. wasn't thinking straight by 130am, i can tell you that. the blur stupor i was in also made me game for that karaoke thingy with mildred and norman... we sang for fun and the result was 2 dvds of our performances. time preserved in a goofy singing session. but you know what, i'll never regret it, and i sang it for us.

on sunday mil hanwei sharon and faizal are going to accompany some weird cornell guy out to philadelphia. i thought i'd be going, in fact, i really really want to go, but it's crazy, not everyone can fit in a regular-sized car anyway. i'm sad but it can't be helped, i'd better save up anyways and take a raincheck on the experience. fragmentation is the ultimate inevitability for us all, not everyone will be able to go through the same situations together anyhow. it's just a hard fact to digest. meanwhile, be huge beacons in the backseat for me!

one more month. no more long naps and sleeping for me... there just isn't enough time for all that i want to do.

  posted by juice.susceptible @ 11:22 PM